I hope so too
“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
Finally managed to catch the film after missing it on one too many Ldn flights last year. Not quite a tearjerker, but I’m sure every Asian kid can identify with the overwhelming love that many a family member, especially elderly ones, showers on one.
And I’m afraid. Because my grandma is growing old and my parents are growing old. And I think I’ll be very heartbroken to see them wave me off, and struggle to be strong even as they grow weaker day by day. As the film wore on, I reminded myself that people can age differently, and I wish my loved ones can enjoy their lives till their very last moments. They have done everything and more for me and I can only hope to give back a fraction of what they had given.
Had perhaps the best wine ever on Friday, a 2008 Margaux, surprisingly smooth yet complex. A perfect wrap up for the week.
I think life would be pretty meaningless without friends, drinks and books. Just three things, not too much to ask is it?
To be able to go surfing again is just an incredible bonus. Allez!
A slow and rather shitty week at work, which reminded me of why many intelligent people I know would much rather stick it out in ivory towers. Freedom to do what you like, pursue your own interests and have absolute control of one’s time are rare luxuries indeed.
It shouldn’t take ominous news of a close friend’s mom to remind me how short and precious life is. I can only imagine how sick life has changed and become in a matter of days. I’ll be praying for you.
And it shouldn’t take such news to remind me of how important family is, how mortal we are, and how much I actually do love them. I’ve experienced a death in the family before and I can’t help but wish it will never happen again. Even though time will lead memories to fade and the struggle of making sense of one’s existence will spare little time for one to reminisce of those dead, my heart fills with sadness when I’m reminded of the hole in my family where she used to be.
As much as I’m a champion of how sweet life is because we are mortal, I feel as much regret and heartache knowing that no matter how hard I try, my loved ones may never be around all through my journey.
Worked harder than I played this week. :((
Hopefully it’ll be a less intense week at work, and more wine+chilling sessions instead. Fingers crossed.
Intense week of late nights every single day and finally finally a night out on Friday.
On work – new-found respect for the boss, not that I did not have any initially, but only because this is the first project I’m fully on and worked together on. The truth is that despite the years I’ve spent on metrics, I have little delusions about its power, practicality and place in the business world. Even just from the interview with Pod, I have liked his no-bullshit calling out on iffy consulting and management stuff. But what I didn’t know, until this project, was his adherence to rigour (as much as possible), his attention to all sources of data and post-modelling checks and also, his passion for the art of piecing the whole model together. In the short span of a week, he taught me quite a bit of stuff, stayed back as late as we all did, and probably had more on his hands than we did. Other than a couple of stressful moments when he let slip a note of impatience in his voice, there has not been a harsh word that was not for our benefit, nor any trace of blame when things look down. Instead, “thank-you”s and “fuck”s were used liberally – the former to his team, and the latter to the screens.
On social life – there’s little activity this week. Especially since vday was spent at the office. What silly thing did occur was that my retarded itchy finger decided to click on F’s facebook link and led me to a picture of some girl with her hand resting on his stomach splashed across my screen. We have not kept in contact, I have unsubscribed from his newsfeeds right after the breakup and am no online stalker. And despite knowing that the girl is just another queer fellow PhD student, it still feels shitty coming to face with the image. So lesson learnt: pinch those itchy fingers and keep my own facebook neutral.
With what little energy I had left, I organized a little dinner date with Mags (my colleague), her boyfriend (a high school school-mate) and R, an ex-classmate of mine. Eventually Boons and S joined us as well. To be honest, I wanted to organize this partly to bring Mags out so that she could meet more people and we could widen our social circles. Now that I’ve lived abroad, I know how difficult it can be to find your own group of friends which most locals, with their old boys’ and old girls’ clubs, take for granted.I hope she had a good time.
On R – we were jc classmates, went out a couple of times back then and have kept in contact intermittently over the years, mostly thanks to Boonie. Everyone knows that he used to have a thing for me and everyone thinks that’s cute. After so many years, I think… that’s sweet too, but also imaginary. I am not the same 17-year-old, and neither is he the same teenager back in school. He has no idea of my opinion on relationships and how they work. I feel how hard he tries and sometimes wish to give his shoulder a squeeze and say “take it easy”. No couple loves evenly and it’s hard for everyone.
It’s nice to feel and be conscious of the changes in myself over the past few years. I’m at a happy place right now and some days, I pray life could be a little less transient.
Am not too excited about bringing work home for the weekend. But having played hard this week, I can’t really complain. Drinks and bland food so fingerish that it barely registered itself in my stomach. So much for the hidden bar that is 28 Hong Kong Street. But good company more than made up for it. Seriously, all the money in the world probably wouldn’t make me happy if I were back in the ice hole that is London.
And more games yesterday night which I’m not sure how or why ended at three. In the morning. And now, I’m trying to convince myself to go back to the little cells on a shitty Lenovo which I don’t get why couldn’t they, for their lives, make smarter such that it would just connect itself to my house wifi like my four-year-old mac. Oh joy.
Oh, what a day.
Over a seemingly innocuous lunch today, nice colleague suddenly admitted that she has been feeling down. And being the ever helpful twerp, I suggested activities through which she can love herself more and raise her spirits. It is not easy being a foreigner in someone else’s country, even if you have your family around. And unlike more cosmopolitan cities, going to school in a nation-state like Singapore does make an expat feel more foreign than he/she should.
Alas, by the end of the day, I was the one feeling the blues. This unshakable sense that the whole world is moving ahead too quickly for me, and after all these years I seem to be the only person who have not make any progress, squatting right back at square one. And slowly but surely, all my friends are falling off the radar with their significant others while I’m still kicking myself over how awkward I am meeting strangers I could hardly care less about. Basically, all the shit in the universe that a Ferrero Rocher wouldn’t solve.
Of course, I didn’t just wallow in self-pity and go to bed with my head under the blanket. Of course the experiences of the past two years taught me to be patient and humble and all the other adult coping strategies which I think all teachers in schools are just too PC to talk about, as with all other possible metrics of success besides those they’ve been brought up with.
But still, it has not been an easy day and I wish better ones will come soon.
New Not So Secret Spot: V Hotel – Level 4 – 12-inch. On a early Tuesday off, hoisin duck pizza, a couple of drinks and not too shabby view. Evenings like these help to lessen the nostalgia for London and the seemingly never-ending work week post-CNY a little more bearable.
Cheers.
